The women I often talk to have lost their sense of self, their sense of identity after a career break or redundancy. When you don’t know who you are, it makes it harder to feel confident. When you don’t feel confident, you don’t appear confident. When you don’t appear confident, others lose their confidence in you. And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Confidence comes from clarity.
And the first thing to be absolutely clear about is you.
So, who do you think you are?
Getting clear on your identity is one of the key foundation stones when you want to go back to work after a career break or redundancy. My clients are smart women – they are high achievers (though they probably shy away from that term) and they want a career they love. They are ambitious, they work hard (sometimes too hard), and even when they have children, they still want to get their teeth into the meaty projects, the tough roles, the challenging clients. But …
Yes there’s a but.
But they’re not sure who they are. Or what they want.
Very often as a mum, we acquire labels such as “the homebirth woman” or “Laura’s Mum” or “Tony’s wife“. Maybe you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be known for WHO you are.
You might need help with the back to work essentials such as CV and LinkedIn, however those essentials are simply the building blocks. In order to put the building blocks in place, you need your foundation stones. And that is about having clarity on who you are – your identity, your sense of self.
How do I find my identity?
Now you’re probably thinking “OK so how do I find my identity? How do I find my sense of self?“.
This is where I can help. When I work with clients, I take them through a series of questions and I’m going to share those with you today.
First bookmark this post so that you can come back to it because before you start I want you to clear your head, put away any distractions, such as social media or clutter on your desk and put your phone on silent.
Then get yourself a few sheets of clean paper and a pen. Now read through and answer these questions one by one.
- What do you love to do?
- What drives you crazy?
- What feels really easy to you and you can’t understand why others find it difficult?
- What’s really important to you?
- What’s the most important thing to you?
- What won’t you compromise on?
- What did you dream of doing when you were young?
- If money was no concern, what would you love to do all day?
- What do you get excited about?
- What fills you with joy?
- Who do you want to be?
- Who do you really want to be?
- What’s the absolute bottom line of who you want to be?
Identify your values
The middle set of questions (What’s really important etc) are designed to help you identify your values.
We all have our own set of values. Values are things like freedom, stability, happiness, impact and integrity. Your values affect everything you do: how you behave, how you think and how you feel. Your values are your unspoken rules and regulations; the terms and conditions by which you live your life. When you get clear on your values, you are able to make more effective decisions.
To explore this in more detail, grab a copy of this activity which I use at all my workshops and discover your values in 5 easy steps.
Now who do you think you are?
Your identity is about who you are and who you want to be. Getting clear on your identity is the first step to feeling fabulously confident.
The questions above give you a solid starting point. However if you’d like to explore this in more detail, join my online class next Wednesday. Just sign up here. (p.s. it’s free to register).
p.s. if you feel stuck, overwhelmed or not sure about your identity, don’t stay that way. Get in touch and let’s have a conversation about what’s working, what’s not working and if that’s identity related.
