Christmas is a wonderful time, isn't it? All twinkles and Baileys and mince pies, 'Ho Ho Ho!'s and peace to all men (and women).
But back in the real world, it can be a time of enormous stress.
Family politics are complicated. Maybe:
- Your mum is critical
- Your dad is grumpy
- Your sister is in constant competition
- Your aunt is a casual rasist
- Your cousin is a rampant sexist
They won't be changing for Christmas, so there is always the potential for squabbles and arguments.
This, coupled with enforced time together in close company and possibly a liberal sprinkling of alcohol, it's hardly surprising that things get heated from time to time.
How can you minimize that possibility?
1. Not the time
Now is not the time to clear the air about a current or previous squabble or grievance.
Hold on to it and discuss it at another time.
2. Avoidance
Some subjects are petrol, and some people are sparks. Avoid mixing them at all costs, because these are the wrong sort of fireworks to be having!
So if the only thing you like about Theresa May is her kitten heels, just pop a sprout into your mouth and smile as you listen to your brothers views.
And turn a hazardous Donald Trump discussion from politics to speculation on his hair: What it really is, and should we be afraid?
You won't change other peoples views, and they won't change yours - it's an oil and water, no win situation. There's nothing wrong with a heated debate on subjects you're passionate about, it's just that Christmas isn't the right time for it.
3. Keep calm
I know, easier said than done, right? But here are 3 simple ways to take your stress down a notch and stay in control:
- Breathe: 5 deep breaths, breathing out for slightly longer than you breath in
- Get away: To the next room, into a book, into music through headphones
- Move: getting stressed with turn on the fight/flight response and adrenaline and other hormones are released into the body, but moving will physically burn the adrenalin from your bloodstream. Walk up and down the stairs, take a quick walk around the block, do a few star jumps in the bathroom
4. Deflect
Change the subject to something more neutral, or make a joke of it, and laugh.
Humour is a great way to dodge a tricky subject and lighten the mood.
5. That escalated quickly!
Okay, you tried to stay calm, you really did but it all ended up in a very heated debate, and it got ugly. Now you feel awful - angry but also upset that this happened at Christmas.
Look, don't beat yourself up about it, you're only human and these things happen! This isn't the first argument at Christmas and it won't be the last.
Walk away. Space and time will help you to calm down and regain control.
6. Move on
If you don't want a bad atmosphere to spoil Christmas for everyone, you're going to have to find a way to move on.
You may want to apologize if you said something you now regret, so just do it and get it over with.
However, you may not be in the slightest bit sorry for what you said, so pick your words carefully - although 'I'm sorry you're a bigoted, chauvinistic prick' includes the word sorry, it's not going to help!
You don't have to apologize, just find a way to move forward. 'We have very different views on this, so let's agree to disagree - can I get you a drink/mince pie?'
Again, humour works really well. Find the funny side. There's always a funny side.
Christmas is about spending time with real people and that includes family issues, historic resentments, sibling rivalry, unrealistically high expectations and family politics.
But despite everything, these people are your family and you love them. Enjoy them.
One day, you might miss the annual Christmas family fireworks.
Share this with your friends and help them at Christmas!
