Becoming a step-parent can be daunting. In addition to building a relationship with your new spouse, there is the pressure to connect with some of the most important people in their lives… their children. This is not an easy task, but there are many ways you can make successful efforts to connect with them.
Make Their Interests Your Own
Whether it’s a three-year-old who loves Lego, or a teen who is obsessed with basketball, make an effort to get to know more about what your stepchild loves to do. Don’t be fake, as children can always sense an imposter. Show genuine interest in who they are and in the things they like to do. Make time to include their favorite things in your life, and you will reap the reward of a having a stepchild who knows that they are special to you and worth your time.
One-on-One Time
Although it is fun and important to have time with the whole family, make time for some one-on-one bonding with each of your stepchildren. Find out what they would enjoy doing, and make it happen. It could be a walk to the park, or a concert that a pre-teen has been wanting to attend. It doesn’t take much to make your time together special.
Always be patient as all children are different. Some may feel comfortable spending time alone with you early on, while for other children it may take years. Let them lead by what they are personally comfortable with.
Ask Them Questions about Your Spouse
Since it is likely that your child has known your new spouse longer than you have, give your stepchild a chance to be the storyteller. Ask them about funny stories that you haven’t heard, and ask if there are any humorous things you should know about. This will allow your stepchild to see that you respect that they have a special relationship and insight into their parent that no one else does. It also brings bonding as you laugh together about someone you both love.
Share Your Talents
Everyone has some kind of talent. Do you play an instrument, or even juggle extraordinarily well? Share your talent and skills with your new stepchild. They might be in awe, laugh, or even roll their eyes… but the time will give you something to focus on other than your relationship. This will relieve pressure and offer some light-hearted discussion about things that are not overly serious. Who knows… your stepchild may even end up developing your talent and taking it on as their own.
Be Patient
One of the main things that can come between a step-parent and their stepchild is a lack of patience on either part. It can be tempting as a step-parent to want to rush things and have a strong relationship right from the start. However, it doesn’t work well this way. Relax, and if you feel that your stepchild feels pressure from you in any way, then ease up and slow down. Let your stepchild know you want a relationship with them, yet are willing to let them choose the timetable it develops in.
There are many ways a step-parent and stepchild can connect. You can connect in big and small ways, and the ways in which to connect are limited only by your imagination. Use your creativity and you will find your relationship growing in a positive way.
