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How buying a red dress helps your relationships

If there’s a film part I would love to have had it has to be Meg Ryan in When Harry met Sally.  You know the one when she tastes her spinach and asparagus dip and fakes an orgasm?  Yes, yes, yes, you do!

It’s not the orgasm bit that gets me, it’s the uninhibited way of living which I love.  The way in which she displays absolutely no fear to show how much she’s enjoying herself.

No fear of what others think of her and how she’s feeling.  That is something to emulate!

This is what I was thinking in the shower this morning, it’s when I do a lot of free range thinking and I never know what will result!  I was imagining what would happen if we could all go to bed tonight, knowing that tomorrow morning we could be honest with ourselves and those around us with no fear.  I started making a list of the people I might say this to –

 ‘D’you know what, I don’t think I like you at the moment, it might change in the future, meantime, let’s just not be in the same circles’.

And that person would take the news totally unpersonally, just as if I’d been returning something which didn’t fit to the shop.  There would be complete acceptance that I knew what I was saying, and they respected it.

Is it really that simple when it comes to people or do we have a part to play?

If we stick with the returns to the shop scenario …

Say I really want the red dress.  I take it home and find out that it’s a bit tight over my hips and doesn’t look quite as fabulous as I thought.  I can make a choice – I can either take it back to the shop and get a bigger size, or I can choose to lose some weight (check our Mary out for doing that).  And, I have a third option, forget the dress altogether and find a different one.

If the dress were a friend, this is how it would play out …

Friend and I are not getting along just as well as we thought we would.  My choices are

  • ‘get a biger size’ – ask them to change who they are
  • ‘lose weight’ – change myself
  • ‘look for something different’ – just that!

The key to what and who we have in our lives at any given moment is how it makes us feel and what we are willing to do about it.

  • If the dress is available in other sizes and we know it would fit better with a bit more material, then we explain our reasons to the shop and ask for an exchange.  With our friends that would be explaining how we feel and asking for room to manoeuvre.  Like the shop, the person may be out of stock and unable to accommodate our request, in which case we must move on – possibly to option 2 or 3. Yes!
  • If we really want ‘that’ dress and it has highlighted we would look and feel better with a few less inches on our hips, then we make the changes. Yes!
  • If the dress is really not all that important, and is just a ‘nice to have in the wardrobe‘, then perhaps we can move on without it. Yes!

The one thing the dress is not going to do is change without us having an active part in it’s future.

Whichever option you choose, the answer you give will be Yes – that makes it yes, yes, yes!

It simply means that having the courage to express yourself honestly with those around you will give you options from which you must choose, it all starts and ends with you and the choices you make.

What do you normally do when clothes don’t fit (bearing in mind they are only a euphimsm in this context!)


Jackie Walker is the creator of The Emotional Surgery addressing both emotional and physical issues.She leads Meanderful Meanderson a Greek Island - thoughtful and creative time-out holidays designed to pique your curiosity and encourage fun and play! (definitely NOT retreats)

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