Dealing with negative people  – Birds on the Blog

Dealing with negative people 

 Do you sometimes find yourself feeling tired and depressed or defeated for no reason?  The answer could be that you are spending too much time with negative people.The bottom line with negative people is that you either develop mechanisms to cope with them, or you leave them behind.  Otherwise, eventually you will become one too.  Here are some ways of surviving them:

Surround yourself with positive people  

This will empower you.  Surrounding yourself with toxic people will bring you down.  It is that simple. Identify all the positive people you know and make continual, active effort to spend as much time with them as you can.  It is all about out-balancing any negatives you pick up.   Anyone negative, who is not close to you, you need to make a conscious effort to walk away from. 

Be logical

If negative people do you the most harm, give them the least time.  When we are left feeling, hurt, angry or depressed after we see a particular person, we then waste even more time complaining about it, trying to work it out or getting it out of our system.  Which adds up of a lot of our time poorly spent. Negative people overwhelm us with their demands.  Learn to register who you spend time with and the effect it has one you.

Limit time spent with negative people   

Consciously reduce the time spent with negative people that disempower you.Don’t stay to argue with their negative point of view, because you cannot change them.  Instead, accept that is their choice to be how they are and stay disengaged.  Feel sorry for them by all means, but concentrate on working on your own positivity.  Instead, spend the time looking after your own wellbeing, pursuing your dreams and trusting your positive friends.  When you do have to spend time with the negative ones, lessen the threat of it rubbing off by working on your own positivity.  Make sure you add natural salt to your bath to cleanse off the negativity after you have been with them, and try to organize seeing them outside your home, or do a cleansing ritual after they leave.

Control the time you spend with them

Rather than play too much into listening to their negatives, deliberately talk about positive, pleasurable things.  Take back control of the situation and, in doing so, take back control of your own positivity.  Make little gestures towards other people too as that positivity will always flow back to you.   Send friends nice messages, help your neighbour, or give up your seat on the bus.

Remind yourself

that your behaviour and emotions are still your responsibility.  The more time and energy you give to re-acting emotionally to the negative person, to be sad, or angry, the more you are giving them the power to your life.  Say an affirmation to yourself before and after spending time with them, re-affirming that you are still positive and will remain so.  

Remember positivity comes from within

Offset their negativity, reminding yourself that your own happiness comes from within. Remember Dr Seuss’s wise words – “Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind, don’t matter”.  Whenever we seek validation from others for our own happiness, we will become unhappy and have no energy over to build a positive life instead.  Negative people will never provide you with it.

Control your own negative reactions

Negative re-actions are often our natural impulses when others hurt us which negative people inevitably do.   We may feel like arguing or attacking them back, dramatically unfriending them, or complaining about them to our other friends.  None of these things makes us feel better and just demonstrate we have lost control of both the situation and our emotions.

Close past issues

When we keep stressing about past situations, we say in that past.We need to consciously move forward.  Try writing a letter to that person.  You can tell them why you are walking away and you can tell them you still care about them despite that.   You can then file the letter away, or even bury it.  Sending it will stir everything up again, whereas this gives the situation closure.   While you write, not only forgive the other person, but also forgive yourself.

Learn from the Positives  

When we keep stressing about past situations, we say in that past.We need to consciously move forward.  Try writing a letter to that person.  You can tell them why you are walking away and you can tell them you still care about them despite that.   You can then file the letter away, or even bury it.  Sending it will stir everything up again, whereas this gives the situation closure.   While you write, not only forgive the other person, but also forgive yourself.

We can learn from the people that come into our lives, both the good and the bad.  When you meet someone who makes you feel really amazing, happy and positive about life, go over the ways they had that effect on you.   Try to emulate these in your dealings with other people.  Literally treat others as you like to be treated yourself.

Learn from negatives

We tend to fear cling to the past even when it is not good for us.  After a big bust-up with someone, we may feel ashamed, hurt or guilty.   We wait in the hope of the other person making things right, coming to their senses and apologising for their behaviour.  When that fails to happen, we remain confused, unhappy and go over and over it again and again in our minds trying to make logical sense of it all. 

Try instead to accept your part in what has happened.  Admit your contribution to it and your failure to forgive.   That acceptance enables us to stop the endless questioning and re-examining all the negatives that keep us rooted in that past situation.  Once we accept and make peace, we can invite something more positive in; for example a loving relationship to replace a negative one

Turn a negative into a positive

Look at what hurt you so much and vow to always do the opposite.  So if someone has lied to you, make sure you are scrupulously honest.   If they have frightened you with their gloomy outlook, make a point of regaling people you meet with positive, encouraging stories especially to anyone who is fearful.  When someone has run you down, make a conscious effort to encourage and praise other people.  

Resolve

Take a vow to never again give away your power by being a victim to negative people.  You have the power to stop it completely.  Take up your power.

         A wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim 

Maya Angelou

About the Author Jan Cavelle

Jan is an accredited Business Coach and Consultant as well as a Professional Life Coach with several decades of entrepreneurship behind her. She founded and ran businesses in a wide range of sectors to the multi-million turnover mark, and so she brings hands-on experience to the table as a business coach or consultant. Her specialist area was always sales and she won national sales awards as well as entrepreneurial ones. Later in her career as an entrepreneur, she realised she was doing everything because she felt she should, rather than because it was making her happy. She had zero work life balance, suffered from regular bouts of depression, and was generally totally miserable. There is very little point in running a business which doesn’t aim for your dreams. After a serious lot of thought, Jan extracted herself from those businesses, re-vamped her own life and added a Joint Professional Life Coach and Counselling diploma to her my business knowledge. She now specialise in working with people to identify what really is going to make them authentically happy and setting up strategic ways of achieving it, supporting businesswomen in work or at home or both. She also writes for a variety of publications globally, including Real Business here in UK. She does some public speaking and teaching when she can. During her career, she was appointed as one of the first 50 Female Entrepreneurial Ambassadors to represent the UK in Europe. For further details on how she can help, go to http://jancavelle.co.uk