I was at the hairdressers’ recently and I was chatting to the lady in the chair next to mine. We got to talking about having your hair dyed, and other people’s reactions to it. The lady I was talking to was 70 years old and, like me, at the hairdressers for her regular ‘colour’. She told me that her daughter totally, and volubly, disapproves of her getting her hair dyed: apparently she feels it’s not at all appropriate for a woman of her mother’s age. I couldn’t help thinking that a) it was none of her daughter’s business whether her mum had her hair dyed or not, and b) is there really an age when it’s no longer ‘appropriate’ to dye your hair?
I used to be naturally blonde but my hair’s been dyed a reddish brown for so many years that I have no idea what colour it would be if I stopped having it dyed. Judging by the amount of grey that appears at my roots in between hair appointments, I think I’d probably be surprised at how much grey I have now! One of the most elegant and beautiful women I know is in her mid-sixties – she has long grey / silver hair that she ties up and dresses beautifully. It looks wonderful on her, and I think I’d probably be very happy if I could carry off grey hair as glamorously as she does, one day – but I’m just not quite ready to go grey yet.
I’m not consciously striving to look younger in other people’s eyes – or at least I don’t think I am. I do it for me, and I’m pretty sure nobody I know, or work with, is bothered either way. And anyway, while looking for images of women with grey hair I happened across this blog and I think most of the readers who’ve shared their stories about abandoning the dye bottle, actually look younger and more striking with their natural grey / white / silver hair.
Earlier this year, Durham University carried out an academic survey with Age with Attitude into the status of mid-life women in the business world. Results indicated that women in midlife feel very positive about themselves: they like themselves more as they get older; they are happier as they get older, and they are more likely to change their career mid-life. However, 82% said they are treated differently to younger women in the workplace, and I imagine the pressure women feel to look younger in these circumstances is significant. Received wisdom says that grey hair on a man equates to wisdom and maturity – valuable qualities in the business world – but in our image conscious and ageist society it would seem the same is not true for women and, in theory, one of the easiest ways for an older woman to look more youthful is to hide any evidence of grey hair with a bottle of dye.
Ironically, dyeing your hair grey has become a fashion statement among some young people this year, with Kelly Osbourne and Pixie Geldof among those who have dared to be grey. You can even buy grey clip-on hair extensions. It’s one way to try out the grey look and see if it suits I suppose!
I also have long hair and, at 49, it appears I’m now rapidly getting too old for that as well. Apparently short hair is more youthful when your face ages and the effects of gravity (and sun, smoking, diet etc) start to show. Really? Am I really too old to have long dyed hair? What difference can it possibly make to anyone else? It seems to me that the only advantage in having shorter hair when one gets older is that it helps not to have all that hair around your neck and face when one is having hot flushes 
So, at almost 50, with dyed long hair, it seems I might be doing it all wrong. But what the heck – I’m happy with it, for now.
And the lady at the hairdressers? Well she left with a very attractive subtle shade of blonde, and she looked great. I wonder how her daughter is coping… 
Image credits – Silver Beauties by Teapots and Polka dots
Angela Boothroyd
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You’ve almost convinced me … I might just stop colouring my hair. Trouble is the top’s white but the front and sides are still mousy blonde. Will I look like a pigeon has just cr*pped on my head? Discuss……
PS Great post Angela!
Thanks Suze
White stripe on top, blonde stripes at the sides – sounds like a new fashion trend to me 
I would be a silver fox in a heartbeart if I was thinner. I would have a short pixie crop and dye it silver. I would almost immediately cease to worry about roots
No way would I stop colouring my hair and any daughter of mine would know better than to suggest such a thing! Let’s be honest, how many women have you seen that look good with grey hair and think about that in percentage terms. I reckon it’s about 1% of the population that look good. The rest of us would look like a brilo pad! Now, where did I put that bottle of recital?…
I think some women look stunning with grey / silver hair but, I agree, not all of us. I think it’s those with silver rather than grey hair that look the best, and most of them seem to have quite striking facial features anyway.
I really like the idea of having cropped silver hair as well, Sarah. We’ll go for it one day
Ah – I have a similar quandary, having no idea what my natural colour is now, it instead looks very odd at times, with an unattractive dark grey at the roots and various shades of brown to the ends – most odd. One good piece of advice I was given a few years ago was to only use semi-permanent colours if doing it at home, so that when the day came for me to eschew dye I’d not have to wait for it to grow out. Except it’s still not all grown out, so have about 4 inches of “natural” colour and the rest doing its best with remains of years old permanent colour.
I’d go silvery grey like a shot, but that will not be my natural colour – my grey is not a pretty shade, it’s a dark, dull grey. And would grey hair make me look older than I am – not that this is a worry of mine, but still…
It would be simpler – not being someone who can be bothered with all this palaver – and hairdresser visits are an annual treat!
Definitely Dye
Have been spattered with grey since I was in my mid 20s and now, am probably 85% but NO WAY would I wear a hat on my head whilst the colour grew out to be a natural…..
No, sorry it has to be bottle and if I am feeling flush with a few highlights as well.
As ever, I am in the minority here and amongst my friends! I don’t dye my hair at all, but I am blessed with lucky genes I suppose, as I don’t have any grey in there. My mother and sister, however, dyed their hair for years.
Who knows, though, what my hair will grow back like now my radiotherapy treatment has ended?!
Dear Angela,
I am so very glad you found my posting “Silver Beauties” on the blog “Teapots and Polkadots,” which I share with my two young-adult daughters. It’s thrilling to me to see what amounts to a burgeoning movement among women to reclaim their true hair color, and to be literally and metaphorically freed from the slavery to appear younger than we are. Healthy, gorgeous women “of a certain age” with silver, grey, pewter, and white hair, I salute you!
Thank you for your comment, Juli – it was our Boss, Sarah, that found your lovely images for me and I’m really glad you droppped by
I must admit, I’m really torn between believing that women should embrace their true hair colour without feeling under pressure to appear younger, whilst loving the idea of having the silver crop that Sarah mentioned, but also still enjoying having my hair dyed and not being ready to go grey yet.
It’s not just women with this dilemma, is it? And not just women of a certain age, either: Philip Schofield must be the most well known TV personality that I’m aware of who, as I seem to recall, faced it for years. Wasn’t he totally naturally grey as a teenager?
I’m all for whatever suits and makes the individual feel great. I only have a smattering of grey (albeit a growing smattering…) – if I had more I’d let nature do it’s own thing. I prefer my hair lighter and, if holidays in the sun aren’t on the cards for any reason, then nature gets an occasional helping hand with a few highlights to cheer me up
Yes, I think he did go grey as a very young man, Linda. I remember thinking he was handsome when he was working on children’s television years ago – grey or no grey!
I was friends with a boy at school who started going grey in his early teens. I can’t remember him ever being bothered by it – at least he never said so. I thought it looked rather good on him.
When I got my first few grey hairs I also started to dye my hair. After about 10 years I got really fed up with it, but wondered what people would think if I suddenly turned grey. As I went through a divorce at the time I deceided to blame it on the stress!!!
Surprise, surprise, nobody noticed it or commented on it, except for my younger brother who made a few stupid remarks (like brothers do).
So, I have now spent the last few years happily getting more and more grey – and I couldn’t care less
Good for you, Angelika
As I’ve been going steadily grey since my early 20′s, I’ve dabbled with colouring my hair from time to time. Last time I did (before heading down to London for an awards ceremony), my daughter (who’s 6) said “You don’t look like my Daddy any more. I haven’t dyed it since!
I know someone (a man) who is rapidly going grey and who is not at all happy about it. He says he wishes he’d started covering up the grey years ago – before anyone noticed – because now it’s too late to dye it as it would be so obvious and he reckons he’d get teased mercilessly by his family and work colleagues!
I started going grey around 20. For years I kept my hair really short because people kept making comments about the grey.
Strangely, now that my hair is long I actually get less comments!
I grew up with a fear of salt and pepper grey – my mother used to fret that she’d go a horrid colour grey so dyed it for years, when she did take the plunge and go au naturel she is a beautiful silver grey – of course for me I simply touch up my naturally flaxen – ahem- hair every six weeks when I have the grey mouse roots redyed to my natural colour ……