I’ve probably always been grumpy, but as I rapidly approach my 50th birthday I find that I’m fitting into the “Grumpy Old Woman” role very nicely.
Whilst working in the field of diversity the word tolerance has often been used. It cropped up again in responses to my last blog.
There is an old saw about being “intolerant of intolerance”, but the older I get, the more intolerant I become. And I’m not sure that’s necessarily A Bad Thing. And, more importantly perhaps, I’m even less sure about the assumption that tolerance is automatically A Good Thing.
- Image by 曼妮的閒晃世界Mani ‘s lounging world via Flickr
Princeton University’s definition of the word “tolerate” is “to put up with something or somebody unpleasant”. So, people who declare themselves tolerant of people who are different from them (maybe, I don’t know, asylum seekers, or people from different cultures, or people with mental health issues, or gay people for example) are very kindly “putting up” with people they perceive are “unpleasant”?
Hmmm. Put like that, I’m not sure I would really want to be tolerated by such people!
I’m intolerant to lots of things (acceptable things to be intolerant to, like child cruelty, unfairness and bullying and unacceptable things to be intolerant to, like some differing views of mine on things such the Law of Attraction, unrelenting positivism, and blind faith).
I’m tolerant (as per the definition above) of other people’s badly behaved children and words which make me cringe, such as “coloured” and “lady” (so long as the intention isn’t to insult, otherwise I become intolerant again).
I embrace the company of people different from me, in terms of people of different faiths (if they’ve arrived at their faith through careful thought rather than blindly following those around them), different sexual orientations, different cultures and nationalities. I don’t “tolerate” immigrants – I welcome the much-needed skills they bring with them.
Someone mentioned “faux tolerance” elsewhere on this platform. I’m not sure quite what he meant, but if he meant people proclaiming tolerance whilst being intolerant themselves (something I’m frequently guilty of myself) then I’m intolerant of that too!
For example, this week the latest amendment to the Equality Bill – to permit civil partnerships to be held in religious premises – was passed in the House of Lords by 95 votes to 21. For those denominations involved – including Quakers and the Liberal Jews – this is a very important step forward. Typically, the Church of England and the Roman Catholic Church still oppose it. And yet the latter two Churches preach tolerance, whilst the Scriptures they follow contain so much intolerance it’s quite frightening (e.g. a man finding his bride isn’t a virgin should stone her to death, if a child talks back to us we should kill them, and many, many more examples).
If that’s tolerance, I quite take pride in becoming increasingly intolerant!
(Settles comfortably into role of Grumpy Old Woman)
Jane
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Ooh – thanks to whoever chose the pic! A remarkable likeness!
Ooh – thanks to whoever chose the pic! A remarkable likeness!
I agree with you Jane. I remember many years ago discovering this intolerance in myself and beintg shocked…and slowly coming to realise that there are some things we simply shouldn’t tolerate.
Tolerance isn’t a virtue unless it’s combined with discrimination
Having been raised in the protestant religion (and tried many different brands – at one stage I used to go to a CofE service, followed by a Baptist service, followed by afternoon Pentecostal Sunday school on a Sunday: my parents supported any Christian religion that got us out of the house!), I’m well aware of intolerance masquerading as intolerance. In fact, it’s the main reason I left established religion – I couldn’t bear the hypocrisy of of “God loves everyone, as long as they believe exactly what we believe” and also the cherry picking of Bible traditions.
I now have what I would describe as a personal faith, rather than a church tradition.
And yes, I’m very intolerant of anyone who disagrees with my views.
Luckily, I also support democracy, where I may disagree with what someone says, but support to the death his right to say it.
LOL That should have read “intolerance masquerading as tolerance” of course!
I agree with you Jane. I remember many years ago discovering this intolerance in myself and beintg shocked…and slowly coming to realise that there are some things we simply shouldn’t tolerate.
Tolerance isn’t a virtue unless it’s combined with discrimination
Having been raised in the protestant religion (and tried many different brands – at one stage I used to go to a CofE service, followed by a Baptist service, followed by afternoon Pentecostal Sunday school on a Sunday: my parents supported any Christian religion that got us out of the house!), I’m well aware of intolerance masquerading as intolerance. In fact, it’s the main reason I left established religion – I couldn’t bear the hypocrisy of of “God loves everyone, as long as they believe exactly what we believe” and also the cherry picking of Bible traditions.
I now have what I would describe as a personal faith, rather than a church tradition.
And yes, I’m very intolerant of anyone who disagrees with my views.
Luckily, I also support democracy, where I may disagree with what someone says, but support to the death his right to say it.
LOL That should have read “intolerance masquerading as tolerance” of course!
You don’t have to be old in years to be grumpy
You don’t have to be young to be impatient
I like the COED’s first definition of ‘tolerate’ in this instance:
“allow the existence of (something that one dislikes or disagrees with) WITHOUT INTERFERENCE”
(The caps there are mine)
This (rather irreverently) brings me on to that classic phrase:
“With all due respect,…”
Because it’s almost always followed by a HUGE put down
…
No offence, Linda, but …
You don’t have to be old in years to be grumpy
You don’t have to be young to be impatient
I like the COED’s first definition of ‘tolerate’ in this instance:
“allow the existence of (something that one dislikes or disagrees with) WITHOUT INTERFERENCE”
(The caps there are mine)
This (rather irreverently) brings me on to that classic phrase:
“With all due respect,…”
Because it’s almost always followed by a HUGE put down
…
No offence, Linda, but …
I feel that for me to proclaim whether I tolerate something or not, assumes that I have the right to judge that something.
In practical terms, I feel I do have the right to say to my son and his friends that I will not tolerate the use of drugs here at our home, and will not tolerate cigarette smoking indoors.
But further afield, who the hell am I to say I won’t tolerate this or that? I can say it, of course, but who the hell cares?
Frankly I prefer to get on with living and “agreeing to differ” with as many people and cultures as I can. What I have learned, very much the hard way, is that there are always two sides to any story … so to proclaim intolerance must be based on a very, very thorough understanding of the “big picture.”
In circumstances where I don’t have an adequate understanding of the facts – either through ignorance or inability to find out more – it seems wrong to proclaim intolerance, or tolerance for that matter.
I’m a “live and let live” merchant, OK. That doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to the wrongs that pervade our society and the need to put them right; simply that I try to keep an open mind.
I feel that for me to proclaim whether I tolerate something or not, assumes that I have the right to judge that something.
In practical terms, I feel I do have the right to say to my son and his friends that I will not tolerate the use of drugs here at our home, and will not tolerate cigarette smoking indoors.
But further afield, who the hell am I to say I won’t tolerate this or that? I can say it, of course, but who the hell cares?
Frankly I prefer to get on with living and “agreeing to differ” with as many people and cultures as I can. What I have learned, very much the hard way, is that there are always two sides to any story … so to proclaim intolerance must be based on a very, very thorough understanding of the “big picture.”
In circumstances where I don’t have an adequate understanding of the facts – either through ignorance or inability to find out more – it seems wrong to proclaim intolerance, or tolerance for that matter.
I’m a “live and let live” merchant, OK. That doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to the wrongs that pervade our society and the need to put them right; simply that I try to keep an open mind.
ooh! I have been grumpy for as long as I can remember, mostly of people that throw rubbish in the street as they walk or drive along, people that wear ill fitting clothing and people that have no due regard for the elderly!
Don’t get me started on time keeping either.. we have something called “African time” something I call lack of discipline and on a bad day lack of respect for the person that is waiting for you, some in my circle call it “intolerance” on my part. Are they right and am I wrong maybe..all I know it is wrong to keep people waiting without a good reason or communicating that reason to them.
Gosh I really Ia m grumpy! LOL
ooh! I have been grumpy for as long as I can remember, mostly of people that throw rubbish in the street as they walk or drive along, people that wear ill fitting clothing and people that have no due regard for the elderly!
Don’t get me started on time keeping either.. we have something called “African time” something I call lack of discipline and on a bad day lack of respect for the person that is waiting for you, some in my circle call it “intolerance” on my part. Are they right and am I wrong maybe..all I know it is wrong to keep people waiting without a good reason or communicating that reason to them.
Gosh I really Ia m grumpy! LOL
Your comment about African time really made me laugh – my late husband used to work with a Jamaican man who said they were so laid back in Jamaica that if you tried to land at the airport, you'd hear an answering machine message saying “we're all out to lunch right now, but we'll get back to you when we're back.”
PS I do know that Jamaicans aren't African!!!!!!!!!!!